Yeah, that's me still thinking about him! Why can't I just move on? Everything reminds me of him. I guess with 4 years that is to be expected. But, gosh, this really sucks. And I bet that he barley even thinks about me...he says it's that easy for him. I wish I could be like that. He wants to be friends and then maybe, just maybe, one day there could be more. I'm not sure what I think about this. I wanna do it cause there is still hope, but I think it makes it that much more difficult to get him out of my head. He said that he would tell me if it ever came to the point that there wasn't hope of use getting back together. He promised. And he says that he misses me and he will always love me.
What worries me so much with him is that fact that he is being so cold with me. He barley wants to talk to me or anything. Yes, time. He wants time. I get that! But it's been a month and we are still at the same point, basically. He said he wanted to be friends but as friends I figure I can text him just to say "Hi", but it's like that is crossing the boundaries. I don't want to cross boundaries and make him more mad...I seem to be really good at that these days.
I'm just so sad and depressed.
I will always love him.
I grew up hearing the quote "The mind may play games but the heart don't lie." I have to say right now my mind is in all sorts of chaos, but I keep on with him cause my heart aches for him. It still wants him!
He keeps saying he is in this terrible place and hates who he has become. I just don't see what he sees. He is a great man. Otherwise why would someone like me even want and love him so much?! He is going to school next semester and putting life together. I just want to be included in that.
Writing this all I can think is when the hell did I become this girl?! I hate this. I used to make fun of those girls. I need to change. I just don't know how. Can't someone just show me what to do and tell me how to feel at all times. Sooner or later I'll get the hang of it. I swear I will. I'm a quick study!
I promise my next post will be better and not just about me being sad about a boy. But until next time I leave you with this.
"Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved."
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