6 Weeks

Today marks 6 weeks since my life changing surgery. The things I can do now that I couldn't do 6 weeks ago is about a mile long. Everything from the simplest things like just standing in one spot to some that I am very proud to say I have worked very hard at like being able to actually do leg weights! Yeah, it may not seem like much but it is.

It was so scary what I went through and no one will ever understand what it felt like until they experience it. I would NEVER wish this on anyone, not even my worst enemy. To sit and watch yourself slowly go paralyzed day by day is a terrible thing.

The doctor said there is no explanation for what would cause this to happen to me, and I think that is the hardest part. I have no reason to explain this. Nothing. It was what it was and we just had to roll with it. With something this severe the last thing you want is to not have answers.

When the symptoms first started I was all the way out in Lubbock with only him by my side and he took care of me. He was so sweet and understanding...at least that's what I thought. I guess he was really unhappy with me all that time...well that was what he was telling all his friends behind my back. I had no idea he felt that way. He never told me. I thought he was still in love with me... How can you be so unhappy with someone and never say a damn thing. I can't help what happened to me. I was depressed, scared, and embarrassed. The person I was during my suffering wasn't really me. I didn't know what was happening to me. I most certainly didn't think it was something like this...

I don't think that it is fair that something I can't control has changed my ENTIRE LIFE! My boyfriend left me, school didn't want to try and work with me so I had to drop all my classes, I can't physically have a job right now, and now I have a crap ton of medical bills. Oh yeah, not to mention the toll this took on my family. I'm angry! About all of it! I'm having to start my whole life over from square one when I just about had my whole life squared away. My future was planned. Now, I don't know where I will end up. And, as much as I don't understand what God has in store for me now I can only trust him. All and all, I was saved! It could always be worse. But, I am so thankful it wasn't. Things are looking up. I'm trying to put everything back together. And with all the support I have gotten from my amazing friends and family I have got to remember to be thankful. And trust me, thankful, I am.